As another year comes to a close and a new one begins, I'd like to take some time to reflect on 2018 and some of the highlights from my year. It seems that each year goes by faster than the last, and I think that makes it all the more important to reflect back and really soak in the things that happened. 2018 had its challenges to be sure -- challenges with work, with volunteer work, with health, with home life and family -- but we'll save those for another day! For now, I'd just like to think about the biggest lesson learned through those challenges, and that is about changing my own attitude. When I found myself in less than desirable circumstances, I found myself complaining a lot and stressing or worrying about the situation -- until suddenly a two-pronged lightbulb came on. Firstly, I realized that in all my complaining, I was not stopping to think about what I could do to solve the issue. Wouldn't my time be better spent strategizing and problem-solving (I supposedly love problem-solving!) than complaining and worrying? Secondly, and closely related, was that I needed at attitude shift. I didn't like where my mind was at. I could be more productive in trying to solve or better manage the situations in my life -- but I could not change other people. What I could change was myself. If I put forth the effort to do all I can to help a situation, I can rest content in knowing that I did all I could. The rest is not up to me, and I can choose to either worry or stress over the things I can't control, or I could decide to be content, hopeful an even optimistic about the outcomes. What I really needed was to recapture the joy in my life. A lot of that stems from reframing my state of mind and focusing on the good. There's a Sister Hazel song that includes the following line,
Have you ever been thirsty? I mean really thirsty. Parched. Cotton mouth. Where it’s painful to even swallow. How about in a situation where you had no water and didn’t know where to get some? Perhaps on a hike or other adventure that was longer or hotter than expected. Think about that moment of thirst. Then think about the moment when you finally got a sip--or even a whole glass--of water. How refreshing was that water? How wonderful did it feel? To a parched mouth, water is immensely satisfying. Indeed, there is nothing quite like water to quench a thirst. This past summer, Tom and I had the opportunity to visit Iceland and drink some of the purest water on earth -- fresh glacial melt. This is water that had been frozen as ice for about 900 years -- long before the earth was so polluted by mankind. As it melts, it runs in streams through the glacier, pure, fresh, cold, and refreshing to the core.
This week, I turned 34. It's hard to believe how quickly the years are starting to go by. One of the challenges I find in life is to not get bogged down by negativity. I've been talking with a couple of friends recently about recapturing joy and focusing on the simple things in life. I've said before that the little things are important, and taking the time to notice and appreciate all of the little joys and gifts in this life can go a long way to change your attitude and reframe your thinking. In fact, the Bible even tells us to focus on the positive. Right after giving instruction on dealing with worry and anxiety, God instructs us to set our minds upon the on the good things in life:
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Philippians 4:6
It is in that light that I am going to share, for my 34th birthday, 34 of my favorite things - many of them everyday things that bring me joy and make me smile. Peruse through my list, then tell me what makes YOU smile!
Spring is officially here -- hooray! My crocuses are up, the robins are back and I'm ready to come out of hibernation. Spring is my favorite season. Don't get me wrong: I love summer and fall, but spring has the distinct honor of being the first season that is classified as "not winter." And "not winter" is really my favorite season. Spring brings along with it sunshine, longer days, refreshing rain, and the hope of new life. What once appeared dead is now alive and blossoming into something beautiful. Spring is a season of dreams and possibilities. For me, it's also the start of garden season. Well, normally. This year, I got a grow light for Christmas, which I have been experimenting with in my basement. I tried growing basil, parsley, lettuce, chard, arugula, cilantro, spinach...and just for good measure: tomatoes. Of course the primary intent of my grow light is to start seedlings, but I wanted to see what I could actually get to grow indoors -- hence the focus on greens and herbs. And, I got an early test for my tomatoes by planting a few seeds. And let me tell you...I have never grow a tomato seedling as strong and vibrant as this one!
Last year, Tom and I took an amazing trip out to Colorado. After visiting with some family in Denver, we rented a car and drove in a big circle clockwise around the state, stopping in several little towns along the way. My favorite was Ouray. This little mountain town booms at 4th of July -- and not just because is the fireworks (though those were amazing). Nestled in the San Juan mountains, it's a beautiful area and a neat place to experience. My favorite part of the trip, however, was a little ways south of there, closer to the town of Silverton. We did the most amazing mountain hike -- starting at about 9,800 feet and going to almost 13,000. With steep switchbacks and thin air, the hike was a real butt kicker for us flatlanders!
June 16, 2017 marks our ten year wedding anniversary. Crazy. A whole decade of life, lived together. It hasn't always been easy, but it has always been worth it. There is something about two imperfect people coming together and committing the rest of their lives to one another that is at once beautiful and a recipe for disaster and conflict. It's a romantic thought: spending the rest of your days together. But the reality is that two people trying to merge their lives together is difficult. I I've been a conflict avoider my whole life, and so has Tom. So, it's not surprising that we brought those patterns into our marriage. Avoiding conflict may make for the sort of relationship that looks great on the outside, but it means we aren't dealing the inevitable differences, disappointments or failures. Over the years, we have learned the hard way that not having those conversations that *gasp* might lead to conflict, may only create greater issues down the road. Having the hard and uncomfortable conversations is what allows two lives to merge into one and creates the path for open communication so that we can truly do life together. Quality conversation, and yes, even conflict, can help each of us to become better people.
I want this to be a picture of our marriage. We rub off on one another, and, even when we clash, if we are constructive in our conversations, we can help shape one another into better people. I am a better person for having met Tom and for having lived with him for the past 10 years. Learning to see things from his perspective and to understand another's point of view has helped me to be more open-minded, accepting and supportive of other people -- even in disagreements. Our commitment to working through any challenges that come our way means that we've learned better communication skills that can also serve to deepen friendships, strengthen family relationships and even add value to our professional roles.
I see our marriage as an ongoing process of learning how to do life together and learning how to do it well. I had a conversation with a younger, unmarried friend recently who made a comment about finding a way to keep a marriage the way it is at the beginning. I understand what she meant -- keeping that romance alive, which is important. But, I told her that, actually, I didn't wish that we could remain in that first year of marriage. Not that it was bad -- some people claim the first year of marriage is the hardest, but that wasn't true for us. However, we were still young and in many ways immature and even naive about what it takes to build and maintain a good marriage. I don't want to be stuck in that first year, because we have grown and matured so much since then. Instead of capturing that feeling of a new marriage, my goal is to continue to build a better and stronger marriage, so that each year is better than the last. I'm so grateful for the lessons that we've learned and for the love that we've allowed to grow and deepen over the years.
We have been blessed to have a lot of really wonderful times in the past decade, with lots of fun shared together. God has also been faithful in bringing us through the challenging times and helping us to use those challenges as opportunities to deepen our relationship and grow in our character and love for one another. Whatever life may bring, I am grateful to have Tom by my side, through it all. There's no one else I'd rather share the adventure of life with, and I hope for many wonderful decades of marriage yet to come!
For the past couple of years, I've started a tradition where I write a post near and around my birthday. It started when I turned 30, with my 30 Life Lessons, then last year I focused on 31 Proverbs, or nuggets of wisdom. This year, I wanted to take some time and focus on 32 things that I'm thankful for now that I've completed 32 years of life.
It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. (Proverbs 19:2)
Have you ever been so excited about something that you charged ahead full force without fully considering your actions? It's easy to do when it's something you are passionate about, or even if you're just in a hurry and don't take care to stop and think before you move. Serious mistakes can be made through this sort of carelessness. Not to make light of the matter, but to draw from recent experience, I have a rather silly example of this.
I stole a pillow. There, you have it. My confession. It wasn't on purpose, mind you, but because I was a bit too hasty...and just downright impatient. You see, I had been planning to redo our master bedroom decor and had gotten to the point where I was tired of looking up ideas and ready to be done with the project. But, that meant I had to commit to a look and purchase my new bedding and other pieces. So, I very quickly went through my list of saved pieces for my bed set and realized too late that I had purchased a pillow off Amazon that was coming from overseas. Not on Prime. Not to arrive until weeks after everything else. And this was not just any pillow. This was the focal point of my new bedroom design. It was a peacock pillow. Fancy Peacock Pillow, it was called. Realizing this mistake, I quickly emailed the seller and asked to cancel my order stating the ship time was too long -- and immediately purchased off another site. Crisis averted. Almost.
The next morning, I had an email from the Amazon seller assuring me that my Fancy Peacock Pillow would be there very quickly, and urging me to keep my order. Fine. If it would be there on time, I would keep that one since it was cheaper and cancel Fancy Peacock Pillow order #2. And so I told her such -- a bit too hastily, as I found out, since when I called to cancel order #2, it had already been processed. After jumping through some hoops, I finally confirmed that I could cancel order #2. Only, it didn't really get canceled. I didn't get charged for it, but they also failed to stop the shipment, and it unexpectedly arrived at my doorstep couple days later. To make matters worse, cheap Amazon Fancy Peacock Pillow arrived as simply a sham without a pillow insert. Duplicate, stolen pillow arrived as a true Fancy Peacock Pillow in all its glory. Ugh.
I mean, is this not the fanciest peacock pillow you've ever seen??
I decided to keep the stolen pillow and try to pay for it. But when I emailed the company, they said they didn't have my payment information and that I'd have to call the 1-800 number. Ugh again. I called, already annoyed (after all, why should I be inconvenienced for trying to do the right thing!), was placed on hold for several minutes (you know how it goes), and in my further impatience, I gave up. For a few weeks. I was so frustrated at the silly situation, but eventually realized I really should be annoyed at myself for 1) not paying attention to exactly what I was ordering (sham from China), and 2) being too hasty in my buying/canceling. And, of course, for using a stolen pillow for a number of weeks with only minor remorse, but that's a different lesson.
After realizing that this was all my fault to begin with, I decided to wait out the hold music until I could talk to someone and actually pay for said pillow. I felt much better after I did and no longer felt the shame as the peacock stared me down while making my bed each morning. As a side note, I kept the sham, too, because I didn't want to bother trying to return it to China. And now I have two Fancy Peacock Pillows. Because everyone needs a spare.
New bedroom decor is now fully paid for! Hooray for not stealing.
A silly example perhaps, but I think it still demonstrates how being hasty often causes you to act without thinking and make unwise choices. Wisdom is taking the time to gain knowledge of a situation before acting. It's pausing to think and observe before you move. It's looking ahead to be sure that you're taking the right path and not unwittingly passing it by.
This is a lesson that the Ents know well -- perhaps a little too well. Ents? Yes, you know, tree herders. Shepherds of the forest. In case you're unfamiliar with The Lord of the Rings, allow me to enlighten you and share another silly example in the opposite extreme. Meet Treebeard, the Ent.
There's something you should know about Ents. They are most definitely not hasty. Here's a case in point:
In fact, I think Ents tend to take things to the opposite extreme. Whatever the opposite of hasty is, that is the Ents. They think and ponder and take a year to say a sentence, but rarely seem to actually do anything. Only deliberating and never actually doing isn't what we are called to. We are called to love "with actions and in truth (1 John 3:18)." Having zeal and proactively following a course are good things -- so long as they are tempered by knowledge, forethought and wisdom.
In the end, the Ents were finally spurred to make a decision to act. By that point, they knew what had to be done -- and they were instrumental in saving Middle Earth.
The lesson as I see it is this: Don't be hasty lest you end up with superfluous peacocks cluttering your bedroom, and don't be so permanently rooted in indecision that you never branch out toward something better.
So let's have passion. Let's have zeal and enthusiasm. But let us first set forth a solid direction, through wisdom, prayer, knowledge and discernment.
_________________________________________________________________________ For my 31st birthday, I decided to write down 31 of my favorite proverbs, or wise sayings from the Bible that I had been studying. This year, I am hoping to take a deeper dive into each of them and share some thoughts on them with you here.
