Happy New Year! 2021 is off to a great start in our household. I can now officially say that we are full-time parents! If you know us well or have been following our journey at all, you know that we have struggled with infertility and after a rough go with IVF, we decided to pursue adoption from foster care. We got our foster license at the end of 2019 and had 11 kids through our home in 2020 for short term respite or emergency care. It was such a great way to get experience with all ages of kids before becoming parents ourselves.

Two of those kids were boy/girl twins who are now two years old. We knew when we met them that their case was headed toward adoption and our agency approached us about potentially being an adoptive home for them. We met them in September when we did respite care for a weekend and they are just the most amazing and adorable kids. It seemed like a dream come true. We had already had a few potential adoption scenarios not pan out, so I tried not to get too excited, but my heart just leapt at the idea of becoming the mama of these two darlings. We did a few visits with them before we were asked to become their formally identified pre-adoptive family in November. November and December were spent as half-time parents as we began to transition the twins into our care. Then on January 4, 2021 they officially entered our care full-time.

They will be with us  on a foster care basis until the adoption paperwork is complete. We are told that can take around 5 months, though we have completed most of our portion of it already. The kids have to be in our home for at least 6 months before adoption can be finalized. In the meantime, we are not able to share many details, including photos, due to privacy reasons and foster care rules. But, I assure you that that they are adorable! Everyone who sees us says that if you didn’t know it, you’d think they were our biological kids, and it’s such a natural fit that we feel like they could have been. I have always wanted twins and I would never have imagined that God would have orchestrated something like this. It all feels so right and as soon as we met them we fell in love and felt like they belonged with us. We have been able to connect and bond quickly and easily. They are such fun and happy kids. Before we met them I was told by their caregiver and their social worker that when you think about the twins you can’t help but smile! They can truly make any bad day better just by being themselves.

Life is busy, and it will be very busy for a while with two toddlers! But, I couldn’t feel more blessed than to have the chance to become the mama of these two sweethearts. Lord willing, we will be able to finalize adoption this summer and they will officially be our kids and we will officially be their parents. We are so excited for what 2021 has in store. Tom is the most amazing Dad, and I love to see him love on our kids. I am growing and learning as a mom and appreciate every day. I will be going part time at work, which will be another big change, and we are blessed to be able to have our niece nanny for us while we both work from home.

I write this at a time when our nation is in turmoil. There is so much evil and chaos in this world and I pray that I can raise my kids to be lovers of all people and pursuers or peace, that they will be strong and courageous and seekers of truth all their days, that no matter what the world looks like as they grow up, they would be confident and grow to become the best versions of themselves — a blessing to the world as they already are to all who know them. We are so grateful for the chance to become parents and for the privilege and honor of raising these sweetlings up into adulthood. We are doubly blessed with two amazing kiddos. We know that the challenges will be many, but we also know that we will grow and learn and overcome any obstacles that come our way. Check in with us if you want to know more about our journey into parenthood, and we will share more as we are able. May your new year be as blessed and full of hope and life as ours!

It’s hard to believe it has been a year since we started our journey into the world of foster care, and yet so much has happened since then. Getting licensed to become foster parents is quite the process in itself. After completing huge stacks of paperwork, background checks, home visits with interviews that lasted a few hours and 36 hours of training, we finally got our license last December. It has been a rollercoaster ever since. We have been providing short term care for kids in foster care — as respite for foster parents, substitute care if foster parents are going out of state or somewhere they can’t bring the kids, or on an emergency basis if our agency is a pinch to find a safe home for a kid. We’ve also had several scenarios that we thought could be permanent and yet were not, which has just been a huge emotional rollercoaster.

The first two kiddos that we had in our care gave us a run for our money. They were 2 and 4 which are tough ages to begin with, but with what they had been through it was intense!! Even though we talked about what to expect in our training classes it does nothing to truly prepare you for the reality of helping kids who have been through extensive trauma. Trauma has a dramatic impact on brain development often leaving kids basically living in survival mode, in that “fight, flight or freeze” mode. That last option, freeze, was one I did not know about until recently, but learned with these kids that that is often my natural response to perceived danger. As the kids’ reaction was fight, I was left paralyzed not sure how to help de-escalate and calm them down. Tom and I both felt very overwhelmed, with a super high level of anxiety and just a dread of what we had gotten ourselves into. We felt like we were walking on eggshells just trying to prevent the next explosion. At this point, I really began to question whether we were cut out for this.

Little did I know that our first experiences would serve as a sort of boot camp to prepare us for whatever lies ahead. I wanted so badly to be able to help these kiddos heal and didn’t like feeling anxious, paralyzed and stuck. So, I did what I do. I dove headfirst into learning everything I could about trauma-informed care, the effects of trauma on brain development and parenting kids from hard places. Many of the best resources I found were based on the principles of Trust Based Relational Intervention, or TBRI. TBRI is a neuroscience based method of helping kids from hard places by first building connection, trust and “felt safety.” There is a difference between being safe and feeling safe and we have to help kids feel safe before they can ever get out of that survival mode in their brain to a place where they can think and make good choices. I am continuing to learn all that I can and what I’ve internalized so far has helped a ton — first by helping me learn to calm down my own brain and emotions when kids fly off the rails, and then to have some tools In my belt to help kids feel understood and soothed so that we can either prevent the meltdowns to begin with or get through them more easily. I’ve also had to adjust some of my own expectations as to what these kids are capable of. Many kids with a history of trauma have a developmental age that’s only about half their chronological age. It’s difficult for the adult mind to understand that a kiddo who was so mature in one moment or one scenario can be stuck at a two year old’s developmental stage when it comes to managing emotions or impulsivity. 

Our second experience being part-time parents with kiddos in foster care was a complete 180 from our first. Not that we didn’t have some challenges, but we felt calm internally. The challenges we had were all very manageable, few and far between, and didn’t leave us with feelings of extreme anxiety. And, we had fun!! It was a really interesting time as we had a 5 and 6 year old right as the pandemic began to spike and on the first day of school closures. This experience helped to give me confidence and assure me that we were on the right track and that we could do this...and that we were meant to do this.

Since the beginning of the year, we have had 11 kids in our home for short term care, typically a few days to a week at a time. Our kids’ ages have been 2, 2, 2, 4, 5, 5, 6, 7, 12, 14 and 16! It has been a lot of fun getting to know each one of these children, to learn to look beyond the challenging behaviors that they may have and to see the beautiful and precious child that God created. They have each taught me so much and expanded my heart in new ways. There are so many things I cannot share due to privacy concerns, but I’d like to reflect on some lessons that I’ve leaned from each one of our temporary kids.

1. 4 year old boy: you taught me the importance of humor in parenting and that anger is just a defense mechanism meant to protect the sweet and precious boy underneath that armor. You also taught me to focus on the little victories and just how much kids are listening to and learning from adults. 

2. 2 year old boy: you taught me the joy of being a mom — of caring for the physical needs of a child and how rewarding a simple act like comforting a little boy can be.
 
3. 5 year old boy: you taught me that I need to pay attention to the needs of the well-behaved kids, because sometimes they are struggling too, but turn inward rather than acting out.

4. 6 year old girl: you taught me the delight of a daughter and how much fun spunk and sass can be, and yet how being vulnerable truly opens the way for connection. You also spurred me on to believe in myself.

5. 7 year old boy: you taught me how hard it is for a young child to process the trauma that they have been through, and how kids try so hard and do the best that they can, even if their best isn’t what adults expect out of them. You made me want to find a way to help kids who have been through the worst.

6. 12 year old girl: you taught me how important original families are, even if it wasn’t a good family situation, and that kids can be so so brave.

7. 2 year old girl: you taught me to relish the simple joys, to smile more and increase my happiness factor — and that joy is contagious!

8. 2 year old boy: you taught me the wonder of toddlerhood and the amazing brain of a 2 year old that is learning so much every day! You also taught me how to appreciate the curiosity of toddlers and to view the constant getting into things as important learning.

9. 5 year old boy: you taught me how far I had come in my own growth and ability to help kids, how to help kids with a “redo", as well as the importance of physical activity!

10. 16 year old boy: you taught me the fun and frustration of having a teenager, the intense feelings that come with uncertainty and lack of a permanent family, and how far a little love and care can go.

11.  14 year old girl: you taught me how kind and mature young teens can be, even when they often make bad choices, and how thoughtfully they can make hard decisions that no kid should ever have to make.

While we have only been part time parents here and there we have gotten some really great experience across a broad range of ages, personalities and intensities of behaviors. We have also seen how much these kids crave love and attention and affection — as well as the benefits of our own in-home therapy dog! The needs are great and the circumstances are tragic, but instead of dread, I now feel a sense of excitement when we get a call from our agency about taking a kid into our care — because I have confidence that even a short term dose of love and fun and care in our home can go a long way and because I’m excited to get to know another precious child and find out what they have to teach me.

Ultimately our hope has been to be able to adopt a child (or two) who need a permanent home. As a family without kids, and the desire to be parents, it seemed like a great way to step in to meet a need and also grow our own family. It’s a complicated process with so many mixed emotions as any adoption stems from a broken family, and most of these kiddos have some significant challenges as they heal from their past. Our experience so far in part-time parenting has been great preparation for the journey into permanent parenthood that we hope lies around the bend.

2019 was a bit of a rollercoaster. And the ride has just begun! After a rough start to the year health-wise for me, things got even more intense as we navigated our journey with IVF. After that loss and the whole terrible experience (and poor results), we decided that that was the end of the road for pursuing biological kids. It took a long time to come to that end, and it was a painful end. But, it does feel good to finally have some closure. With that possibility off the table, it opened up another world of possibilities to us. We have room in our home and in our hearts, and a desire to make a positive impact on the next generation. So, this past August we decided to pursue becoming foster parents.

I have a story to tell. It does not have a happy ending. But, perhaps, it has no ending at all. Perhaps we are still in the middle of the story, and this is just the hard part. This is the story of the past seven years, which I will share in segments over a series of posts. This is the third, and perhaps final section -- at least for now. I wrote this section the day after our six week ultrasound. Click here to read part one and part two of our story.

I have a story to tell. It does not have a happy ending. But, perhaps, it has no ending at all. Perhaps we are still in the middle of the story, and this is just the hard part. This is the story of the past seven years, which I will share in segments over a series of posts.  This is the second post in the series, which I wrote a few weeks after we had completed the IVF procedures. Click here to read part one of our story.

I have a story to tell. It does not have a happy ending. But, perhaps, it has no ending at all. Perhaps we are still in the middle of the story, and this is just the hard part. This is the story of the past seven years, which I will share in segments over a series of posts. This first post was an essay I submitted to The Fertility Center as a part of their "Fertility Diaries" contest. Though I did not win anything from it, it gave me the opportunity to write down my experience and it was therapeutic to recount our history. And now, I share it with you.

One of my goals for 2019 was to work with my dog, Copernicus (or Copper for short), on earning various levels of Trick Dog Titles. I did not know that Trick Dog Titles were a thing until recently and when I found out, I knew it was the perfect winter activity for Copper and me -- something to keep us busy and active even when it's too cold to spend much time outside. I have always enjoyed dog training and have thus far had two rescue dogs that I've trained in obedience and tricks. Obedience training is necessary to keep your dog safe and happy and to keep those around him safe and happy, as well. It' fun to watch a dog learn and progress in his manners -- though it's a lot of work! For me, the real fun starts once the basic obedience work is done and we can start working on tricks! It is amazing how smart dogs are and how much they can learn. With a little time and a lot of patience, you can teach your dog to do incredible things. It's good for them, too, as it challenges them mentally, works their brains and helps them get out some energy in different ways. You'll find that some of the "tricks" actually help boost obedience, too.

As another year comes to a close and a new one begins, I'd like to take some time to reflect on 2018 and some of the highlights from my year. It seems that each year goes by faster than the last, and I think that makes it all the more important to reflect back and really soak in the things that happened. 2018 had its challenges to be sure -- challenges with work, with volunteer work, with health, with home life and family -- but we'll save those for another day! For now, I'd just like to think about the biggest lesson learned through those challenges, and that is about changing my own attitude. When I found myself in less than desirable circumstances, I found myself complaining a lot and stressing or worrying about the situation -- until suddenly a two-pronged lightbulb came on. Firstly, I realized that in all my complaining, I was not stopping to think about what I could do to solve the issue. Wouldn't my time be better spent strategizing and problem-solving (I supposedly love problem-solving!) than complaining and worrying? Secondly, and closely related, was that I needed at attitude shift. I didn't like where my mind was at. I could be more productive in trying to solve or better manage the situations in my life -- but I could not change other people. What I could change was myself. If I put forth the effort to do all I can to help a situation, I can rest content in knowing that I did all I could. The rest is not up to me, and I can choose to either worry or stress over the things I can't control, or I could decide to be content, hopeful an even optimistic about the outcomes. What I really needed was to recapture the joy in my life. A lot of that stems from reframing my state of mind and focusing on the good. There's a Sister Hazel song that includes the following line,

Have you ever been thirsty? I mean really thirsty. Parched. Cotton mouth. Where it’s painful to even swallow. How about in a situation where you had no water and didn’t know where to get some? Perhaps on a hike or other adventure that was longer or hotter than expected. Think about that moment of thirst. Then think about the moment when you finally got a sip--or even a whole glass--of water. How refreshing was that water? How wonderful did it feel? To a parched mouth, water is immensely satisfying. Indeed, there is nothing quite like water to quench a thirst. This past summer, Tom and I had the opportunity to visit Iceland and drink some of the purest water on earth -- fresh glacial melt. This is water that had been frozen as ice for about 900 years -- long before the earth was so polluted by mankind. As it melts, it runs in streams through the glacier, pure, fresh, cold, and refreshing to the core.

This week, I turned 34. It's hard to believe how quickly the years are starting to go by. One of the challenges I find in life is to not get bogged down by negativity. I've been talking with a couple of friends recently about recapturing joy and focusing on the simple things in life. I've said before that the little things are important, and taking the time to notice and appreciate all of the little joys and gifts in this life can go a long way to change your attitude and reframe your thinking. In fact, the Bible even tells us to focus on the positive. Right after giving instruction on dealing with worry and anxiety, God instructs us to set our minds upon the on the good things in life:

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Philippians 4:6

It is in that light that I am going to share, for my 34th birthday, 34 of my favorite things - many of them everyday things that bring me joy and make me smile. Peruse through my list, then tell me what makes YOU smile!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. As we sit around the table with our turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes, many of us can think of a thousand things to be thankful for -- but that clear liquid in your glass is one great gift that is often overlooked.

Water. Clean water.

Did you know that one in 10 people lack access to clean and safe water? Imagine serving Thanksgiving dinner with water that looked like the glass on the left instead of the glass on the right.

My husband, Tom, and I recently returned from an 8-day trip in Iceland. Iceland? "Why Iceland," you may ask. Iceland first came on my radar as a potential vacation destination four years ago when we were planning our trip to England, Wales and Ireland. There are several airlines that have layovers in Reykjavik, the capital of Iceland, connecting the U.S. to European destinations. While it didn't work out for us to include Iceland on that trip, it remained in the back of my mind as some place that would be fun to explore. This year, we learned of some inexpensive airline tickets to Iceland, and indeed, as we considered vacation destinations in the western U.S. and Canada, we found that plane tickets to Iceland were only half the price of flying to Montana! (We discovered later that once you get there, everything is SUPER expensive. But, with a little planning you can find ways to keep your costs down.) So, without knowing a whole lot about the country, we booked a flight! Then came the research. Lots of research and planning. We had eight days to try to fit in as much of Iceland as we could, and I sure jam packed our schedule! We spent most of our time along the "Ring Road", highway 1, which circles the main part of the island -- with a couple days in the beautiful Snaefellsness Peninsula. If I can ever find the time, I hope to do a more detailed post(s) on our itinerary later, for anyone else who may be planning a trip. But, in case you need to be convinced to go there first, here are eight heavily photographed reasons that YOU should visit Iceland!

Spring is officially here -- hooray! My crocuses are up, the robins are back and I'm ready to come out of hibernation. Spring is my favorite season. Don't get me wrong: I love summer and fall, but spring has the distinct honor of being the first season that is classified as "not winter."  And "not winter" is really my favorite season. Spring brings along with it sunshine, longer days, refreshing rain, and the hope of new life. What once appeared dead is now alive and blossoming into something beautiful. Spring is a season of dreams and possibilities. For me, it's also the start of garden season. Well, normally. This year, I got a grow light for Christmas, which I have been experimenting with in my basement.  I tried growing basil, parsley, lettuce, chard, arugula, cilantro, spinach...and just for good measure: tomatoes.  Of course the primary intent of my grow light is to start seedlings, but I wanted to see what I could actually get to grow indoors -- hence the focus on greens and herbs. And, I got an early test for my tomatoes by planting a few seeds.  And let me tell you...I have never grow a tomato seedling as strong and vibrant as this one!

In part one of this blog series I focused mostly on the grief side, with the loss of our first dog, Happy Gilmore. While we are still sad and miss him dearly, we've also been able to experience new joys with the new dog we adopted a couple of weeks ago. Meet Copernicus -- or, Copper, for short. We adopted Copernicus from the Humane Society shortly after a visit there to get registered as volunteers. We will soon be helping with special adoption events around town. And, I'll be able to do so all the more enthusiastically now that we have our own new rescue dog!

This past Christmas was a hard one for us. We had to say goodbye to one of our best friends and companions -- our dog, Happy Gilmore. It was all the harder because it was a sudden and unexpected death. Happy was a well trained and good mannered dog. He wasn't a bolter by nature, but he was a hunter. He had a very strong hunt / chase instinct and his prey drive was the one thing we could not train out of him. You can't really train out an instinct. He had made progress, but deer were still his kryptonite. On the 22nd of December, I stood in my sun room in front of the open door doing what any other normal person would be doing -- throwing the rest of my fall gourds into my garden. Happy approached, and as I tried to shoo him back, he must have caught sight of a deer in the field because he suddenly bolted for the backyard. I grabbed for his collar, which he was not wearing, and he slipped right through my arms. I called after him, but he was deaf to the world, going full bore after that deer. That was the last time I saw him alive. By the time I put my boots on, he was already out of sight. He was so fast. I called Tom to come home from his errands and we scoured the woods and the neighborhood looking for him. I finally posted "lost dog" online on a few sites, and it wasn't long before someone cross published a post about a found dog. A dog found dead. On the side of the road. A half mile from where we live. I knew it had to be him. I called Tom sobbing and he went and found him. He had been hit by a car, and from what we could tell likely died very quickly. Tom quietly picked up our lifeless dog and brought him home. It was one of the worst moments of my life.

For the past couple of years, I've started a tradition where I write a post near and around my birthday. It started when I turned 30, with my 30 Life Lessons, then last year I focused on 31 Proverbs, or nuggets of wisdom. This year, I wanted to take some time and focus on 32 things that I'm thankful for now that I've completed 32 years of life.

It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. (Proverbs 19:2)

Have you ever been so excited about something that you charged ahead full force without fully considering your actions? It's easy to do when it's something you are passionate about, or even if you're just in a hurry and don't take care to stop and think before you move. Serious mistakes can be made through this sort of carelessness. Not to make light of the matter, but to draw from recent experience, I have a rather silly example of this.

I stole a pillow. There, you have it. My confession. It wasn't on purpose, mind you, but because I was a bit too hasty...and just downright impatient. You see, I had been planning to redo our master bedroom decor and had gotten to the point where I was tired of looking up ideas and ready to be done with the project. But, that meant I had to commit to a look and purchase my new bedding and other pieces. So, I very quickly went through my list of saved pieces for my bed set and realized too late that I had purchased a pillow off Amazon that was coming from overseas. Not on Prime. Not to arrive until weeks after everything else. And this was not just any pillow. This was the focal point of my new bedroom design. It was a peacock pillow. Fancy Peacock Pillow, it was called. Realizing this mistake, I quickly emailed the seller and asked to cancel my order stating the ship time was too long -- and immediately purchased off another site. Crisis averted. Almost.

The next morning, I had an email from the Amazon seller assuring me that my Fancy Peacock Pillow would be there very quickly, and urging me to keep my order. Fine. If it would be there on time, I would keep that one since it was cheaper and cancel Fancy Peacock Pillow order #2. And so I told her such -- a bit too hastily, as I found out, since when I called to cancel order #2, it had already been processed. After jumping through some hoops, I finally confirmed that I could cancel order #2. Only, it didn't really get canceled. I didn't get charged for it, but they also failed to stop the shipment, and it unexpectedly arrived at my doorstep couple days later. To make matters worse, cheap Amazon Fancy Peacock Pillow arrived as simply a sham without a pillow insert. Duplicate, stolen pillow arrived as a true Fancy Peacock Pillow in all its glory. Ugh.

I mean, is this not the fanciest peacock pillow you've ever seen??

I decided to keep the stolen pillow and try to pay for it. But when I emailed the company, they said they didn't have my payment information and that I'd have to call the 1-800 number. Ugh again. I called, already annoyed (after all, why should I be inconvenienced for trying to do the right thing!), was placed on hold for several minutes (you know how it goes), and in my further impatience, I gave up. For a few weeks. I was so frustrated at the silly situation, but eventually realized I really should be annoyed at myself for 1) not paying attention to exactly what I was ordering (sham from China), and 2) being too hasty in my buying/canceling. And, of course, for using a stolen pillow for a number of weeks with only minor remorse, but that's a different lesson.

After realizing that this was all my fault to begin with, I decided to wait out the hold music until I could talk to someone and actually pay for said pillow. I felt much better after I did and no longer felt the shame as the peacock stared me down while making my bed each morning. As a side note, I kept the sham, too, because I didn't want to bother trying to return it to China. And now I have two Fancy Peacock Pillows. Because everyone needs a spare.

New bedroom decor is now fully paid for! Hooray for not stealing.

A silly example perhaps, but I think it still demonstrates how being hasty often causes you to act without thinking and make unwise choices. Wisdom is taking the time to gain knowledge of a situation before acting. It's pausing to think and observe before you move. It's looking ahead to be sure that you're taking the right path and not unwittingly passing it by.

This is a lesson that the Ents know well -- perhaps a little too well. Ents? Yes, you know, tree herders. Shepherds of the forest. In case you're unfamiliar with The Lord of the Rings, allow me to enlighten you and share another silly example in the opposite extreme. Meet Treebeard, the Ent.



There's something you should know about Ents. They are most definitely not hasty. Here's a case in point:



In fact, I think Ents tend to take things to the opposite extreme. Whatever the opposite of hasty is, that is the Ents. They think and ponder and take a year to say a sentence, but rarely seem to actually do anything. Only deliberating and never actually doing isn't what we are called to. We are called to love "with actions and in truth (1 John 3:18)." Having zeal and proactively following a course are good things -- so long as they are tempered by knowledge, forethought and wisdom.

In the end, the Ents were finally spurred to make a decision to act. By that point, they knew what had to be done -- and they were instrumental in saving Middle Earth.

The lesson as I see it is this: Don't be hasty lest you end up with superfluous peacocks cluttering your bedroom, and don't be so permanently rooted in indecision that you never branch out toward something better.

So let's have passion. Let's have zeal and enthusiasm. But let us first set forth a solid direction, through wisdom, prayer, knowledge and discernment.

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For my 31st birthday, I decided to write down 31 of my favorite proverbs, or wise sayings from the Bible that I had been studying.  This year, I am hoping to take a deeper dive into each of them and share some thoughts on them with you here.

This is a verse that I've been pondering on for some time now, as I think it gets at the heart of a skill I've been trying to obtain: the art of asking good questions. If you'll recall from my 30 Life Lessons, I recognize the need for this skill; however, I often have difficulty actually doing it. I have a few friends who are very good at this. It makes them excellent conversationalists and I'm trying my best to learn from them!

Knowing how to ask the right questions is something that does not come naturally to me, but I think this proverb highlights one of the reasons that it is so important. People are complicated. Many are closed off and guarded for any number of reasons. Others are simply introverted (we have two of those in our two-person household!) and need some prompting to share from their thoughts or experiences. Whatever it is that is stirring inside a person's heart -- that which is deep and at their core -- often needs to be drawn out, as a bucket is drawn from a deep well. And when we take the time to draw those things out of a person, it often benefits both parties.


As usual, I love how Matthew Henry underscores what we are missing when we don't practice good question asking:

"Some are very able and fit to give counsel...but they are modest, and reserved, and not communicative; they have a great deal in them, but it is loth to come out. In such a case a man of understanding will draw it out, as wine out of a vessel. We lose the benefit we might have by the conversation of wise men for want of the art of being inquisitive."

- Matthew Henry's Commentary

Not only can you learn from others if you take the time to ask good questions, but it makes the other person feel valued, too. And there's a benefit to the soul of being able to share things from your heart to someone trustworthy who wants nothing more than to understand you better and learn from you.

The word "draw" is the word that stuck out to me most in this passage, and I'm still trying to unpack it. There's a tugging, a gentle pulling that brings out the heart of a person -- and it begins with good questions. But how do you ask good questions? I think it starts with observing and listening. Pay attention to what's important to someone and ask them about that. Notice when someone doesn't seem quite his or herself, and inquire. Ask the "whys" and the "hows" -- not just the "whats". Ask specifics and not just generalities. When you draw out the whole person, you get to see a glimpse of who they really are -- who God created them to be. You are able to know and be known. And it is beautiful.

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For my 31st birthday, I decided to write down 31 of my favorite proverbs, or wise sayings from the Bible that I had been studying.  This year, I am hoping to take a deeper dive into each of them and share some thoughts on them with you here.